Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
