I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
