Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
