I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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