I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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