I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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