I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
