I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
