All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
