im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think my moral compass just broke
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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