Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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