my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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