I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
