I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i barfeds in our rink
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
