Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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