I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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