oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
