so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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