drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
