I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
