just tell him i said nine months
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
