is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
