i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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