I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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