I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
