I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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