i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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