My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
