maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
