just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
