my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
