it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i believe in u and ur pee
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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