Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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