Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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