How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
