Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
