UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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