so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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