Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
