there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
