Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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