Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm getting married
To pizza
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
