Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
