Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
