Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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