im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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