Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
