Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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