Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
