No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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