with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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