Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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