his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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