So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
